Light Hearted

Ah, December—the time for festive lights, hot cocoa, and heated sports rivalries. As a proud Michigander, I love every Michigan team with all my heart. The Lions, Wolverines, Pistons—name it, and I’m rooting for them. But here’s my little secret: I can’t actually watch them play.

Why? Because I’m convinced I’m the reason they lose.

It’s not superstition; it’s lived experience. Every time I park myself in front of the TV, chips in hand, the other team suddenly transforms into world champions. A fumble here, a missed three-pointer there—it’s like my eyes alone are willing it to happen. If you’re a die-hard fan like me, you understand the pain of watching your team lose, one gut-wrenching play at a time.

So, I’ve taken drastic measures. On game days, I quietly disappear. While my family screams at the TV in the living room, I retreat to my sanctum—pretending to work, rearranging my bookshelves, or even scrubbing grout (that’s how far I’ve gone). Anything to protect my team from the curse of my gaze.

Why Do I Think I’m the Problem?

Every sports fan has a weird ritual they swear brings luck: a lucky jersey, a certain chair, a very specific snack. For me, the ritual is avoidance. It all started when I noticed a pattern. The Lions would be winning—everything clicking like a perfectly oiled machine—until I tuned in. Suddenly, it’s an interception parade.

My family used to tease me about it, but now even they’re convinced. If I’m spotted lurking near the TV during a crucial play, they shoo me away like I’m a black cat crossing their path. “Go back to your room! We’ve got this!”

But I Always Come Back for the Victory March

Here’s the thing: I still love the thrill of victory. Once the game is safely in the bag—when the final 30 seconds are ticking down and the scoreboard shows an insurmountable lead—I emerge like a groundhog on February 2nd. The jubilation is infectious! I want to bask in the glory of the win, even if I didn’t “earn” it by suffering through the entire game.

Watching those final seconds, knowing my team is about to seal the deal, is the best part. The stress is gone, the celebrations are beginning, and I can finally relax without fearing I’ve doomed them.

Neutral Games Are My Safe Haven

When it comes to games where I don’t have a horse in the race, I’m all in. Two teams battling it out? Sure, pass the popcorn! I can cheer, analyze, and even laugh at questionable referee calls without the crushing weight of emotional investment.

But when it’s my Michigan teams? Nope. I’m not ready to handle every heart-stopping touchdown or game-deciding free throw. I’d rather live in blissful ignorance, avoiding all game-day anxiety until the glorious highlights roll in.

Protecting My Teams, One Absence at a Time

To everyone out there who also believes they’re a jinx: we’re not crazy. We’re just… strategic. By stepping away, we’re giving our teams the best possible chance to succeed. And for those final, victorious moments? That’s when we step in, cheer the loudest, and soak in the sweet taste of success.

Because, really, what’s better than watching your favorite team take that victory march, knowing you did your part by staying far, far away?